


you did not ask how much longer I had in me

by persrephones



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: F/M, Im an asshole, Suicide, if you do at least cover my funeral expenses, pls dont kill me, post! amaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 04:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8387743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persrephones/pseuds/persrephones
Summary: It suffocates meIt breaks meIt kills meIt swallows me wholeand I can't escape itI can't escape myself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guise!!
> 
> English isn't my first language and this is my first time writing so I'm sorry if this is a hot mess!
> 
> I'm sorry in advance for what you're about to read (*whispers* please don't kill me)

There’s clarity between the moment Amaru exits her body and the moment she falls to the dusty ground. There’s a moment of freedom. Suddenly she can breathe and think and feel clearly. And then the pain comes.  
It’s a pain so piercing and familiar, she thinks. How ironic, the last time she was herself before was when she was dying and now here she is again, dying.  
She feels warm hands on her cheeks, she thinks they’re Seth’s, but she’s too tired to open her eyes. Death is warm and nice and peaceful she thinks. No more pain, no more hurt and guilt, just endless darkness. She’s glad to finally be alone in her mind. She’s glad of the nothingness that surrounds her. She only wishes she could have done more, she could have helped more.  
Someone sobs, she thinks. Her face is wet and she thinks it’s tears, maybe they’re hers or maybe they’re Seth’s. She doesn’t know. She wants to tell him she’s sorry, she wants to tell him that she does forgive him hell she may even love him, but the darkness is begging her to stay.  
/  
The moment he watches her body fall to the ground he feels like he can finally breathe again. He knows she’s gone, he knows the girl in front of him is Kate, his Kate.  
He runs to her, he cradles her body and he’s so relieved, so grateful, so happy to have her back he doesn’t notice the wetness in her abdomen or her faint, small breaths.  
“No”, he thinks “No,no,no,no,no” until his mind is a mess of ‘Nos’ and ‘Please’ and ‘Don’t go’ and ‘I’ll do anything’ and “Please, please, please I can’t live without you’. He can feel her small body slowly fading away. Her breaths are so shallow, her eyes closed and her limbs so still he thinks he might be too late, she might already be gone. He prays, he prays to God, he prays to Her, he prays to everything and nothing all at once because he can’t lose her, not again not again not again. Please, he mouths, please and no and I’m begging and It’s okay, It’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay now, you’re fine , I’m sorry, Please, I’m sorry, sorry, so sorry.  
/  
When Kate opens her eyes the room is so bright she thinks she’s in heaven. Scott enters the room with a glass of water in his hands and a small smile on his face, Richie after him. Both of them are looking at everything but her and suddenly her stomach drops and she knows something is wrong and where is Seth, why is he not here, he should be here.  
/  
She’s sitting alone in the dark motel room after she’s reassured everyone that she’s fine. One month has gone by, one month alone in her body, one month without Seth. Richie was the one to tell her, he told her about the deal Seth made with Her, to take Brasa’s place as the sun god if Kate got to live. At first she thinks it’s a joke, he couldn’t be this stupid, could he? But a month has gone by and his absence is everywhere. It’s in the way Richie looks at her, or rather doesn’t look at her, and what did she expect, she cost him his brother and his mind. It’s in the way she can’t even get in a car or look at the sky anymore because fancy cars and dusty roads and sunsets were his.  
And this is just another thing to add to her list of things that she has herself to blame for and it hurts so much, so much so much. As she’s sitting on the bathroom floor, the fluorescent light so bright into her eyes she just wants to close them and she thinks “What if I closed them forever?” There would be no more pain, no more your fault your fault your fault echoing in her now silent mind.  
She considers the pills that are in the bathroom cabinet of the small motel that reminds her so much of Seth, she can’t even breathe. Her momma wouldn’t approve but what is it that they say “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”, so she picks up a pen and writes.  
She writes her apologies to everyone to Scott, to her momma and her daddy, to Richie, to God, to Seth, to the thousand of souls Amaru had consumed because of her. She writes I’m sorry and I wish I could stay and there is no more love left.  
And just like that with a bottle of Advil in her hand and a crumbled letter that says “I’m sorry” she goes in the little motel bathroom that reminds her of Seth and tears and ‘I love yous’ that were never said and maybe, just maybe, if there is an afterlife, they might meet on a beach on a hot summer night and have a chance to say them.


End file.
